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For to wish to forget how much you loved someone - and then, to actually forget - can feel, at times, like the slaughter of a beautiful bird who chose, by nothing short of grace, to make a habitat of your heart. I have heard that this pain can be converted, as it were, by accepting "the fundamental impermanence of all things." This acceptance bewilders me: sometimes it seems an act of will; at others, of surrender. Often I feel myself to be rocking between them (seasickness).
All right then, let me try to rephrase. When I was alive, I aimed to be a student not of longing but of light.'
Maggie Nelson - Bluets (2009)
Image by Miriam Matthiessen, 2021